I miss you

I really miss you. I love you so much. Some day, I’ll be lucky. I won’t feel like this, I won’t miss your eyes, I won’t miss your smiles. God, I love you though. In this hour, it takes every ounce of power, to hold back, to be silent, to act as though you’re but a dream, a sweet taste of that which could be. I wish you the best. I wish…I never knew you…that, is what I desire.

B

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On Patents and Licensing Fees

A friend of mine that is in his last year of law school recently contacted me for some help regarding patents and fees.

I think I may use this blog as a method to determine my best response to his questions. I guess I may type out my musings on here regarding his questions, see if I get any feedback, and then answer him directly.

I suppose i prefer this method as 2 heads are better than 1, and more are certainly better than 2, up until a specific point.

So if you stumble across this blog and happen to be familiar with patent law, check back later, I may need your help.

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The Brightest Day of Fall

Jetted off to Albuquerque, New Mexico for the 2011 Festival of Balloons. It’s one of the largest such Evers in the world, and due to it’s vibrant colors, intricate balloon patterns, and clear sky- it also holds claim as the World’s Most Photographed event! (want proof? go into any photography store and I guarantee a big number of the cameras use HD pictures from the event as advertising for what they are capable of).

Now, since arriving in ABQ, it’s been nothing but raining here- almost as if the weather from Portland followed my plane here. In fact, the infamous “Oregon Cloud” (that single, state covering cloud we get in Portland) followed as well, including the droopy rain.

Anyways, today it’s sunny, 70 degrees, and we’re all hoping the weather holds out for tonight’s “glow” (when all the hot air balloons are lit up) especially hoping that it holds out for the fireworks.

Met up with some family out here- a couple of nephews, dad, etc… Been pretty fun. In fact my little nephew is bugging me now for some milk, so I got to cut this short and help the little guy find his bottle! More updates later!

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Back on track

I realize that I have actually done very little to write about matters with regard to economics, society, and philosophy.

In fact, for the first time I reviewed what is posted on this blog; to be sure, what is present is honesty. A man must always be honest first with the world, and second into himself. You may doubt this, but ask yourself: in order to confront yourself, who must also know, in order that you don’t cast it aside?

As in, it is so easy to maintain a blissful and ignorant life, so long as no one else is aware of the truth. We as individuals always know the truth, so who then, are we really lying to, when we do chose to lie? Answer: since we as individuals know the truth with relation to ourselves, the only people that do need to hear the truth are those that wouldn’t otherwise innately know it; I.e., our friends and family.

Yet fear is a force many of us fear, and thus we choose to hide the truth from those closest too us, often including those whom the truth impacts the most.

The point of this, is an admission that I myself am to afraid to act upon my own true feelings, so I have chosen to run. I suppose this is an instrumental moment in my life, and it is either the dumbest thing I have done, or it is the best thing I have done.

What I’ve done is separate myself from that which I love, because I believe that which I love does not return my love.

I’ve written on the matter a little here, and that is what I have come to realize has consumed my life.

It is time to get back on track, sure it could be the biggest mistake of my life to ignore her, but in doing so, I may actually begin to make a life for myself.

So, in closing, I plan to get back on track. More blogs, more writing, more comments on economics, more philosophy. More of the things in life that i love.

That’s what I’m gonna do..

Update: apologize for grammar and spelling- a bit tipsy and emotional over this huge decision.

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Never thought I’d do it

I think it’s time I try to move on from this girl. She’s been my beat friend forever, and she’s meant everything to me. I know she thinks highly of me because for anything and everything that matters in her life, she asks me to do it. I’ve gotten her jobs, written applications, cover letters, resumes, letters of recommendation, etc…she’s said no one can write like I can, and that no one can flatter her like I can.

But, that’s all that ever happens. It sucks because she will vocalize and say things like “oh if I’m into a guy, he’ll know for sure, cuz I make sure to flirt with him in a very forward and obvious way. There’s no question” so it sucks to hear that.

But, you know what? I got a gf, I got girls into me. Isn’t it funny we always want the one that doesn’t want us!?

So, I deleted her from my life tonight. Phone # gone; facebook gone; friends gone; I should delete her bro, but he’s legit and young and needs advice.

I guess I should delete him too. I’d feel really bad doing it. But at this point, short of two other girls, and an ex-BF of hers, I have no way of ever contacting her again. I want to tell her I love her, but I don’t think she feels the same way toward me. I know she loves me, but I think she loves me as one would love a sibling. So it’s not healthy for me to think of her, to contact her, to love her. I must move on. I must do whatever I can to forget her.

What’s really the saddest about this, is that I bet I will never hear from her again, until she needs my expertise. And trust me, I don’t give a shiiit about wordpress, so this writing and the poems and the stuff on this are nothing but crap in comparison to the stuff I actually have written in paper. I mean after all, you really think I’m going to just give out pure perfection for free?

Please. Publishing is only the first step for my real talent, and this fake ass wordpress site is but a step in my way.

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Just. Some. Thoughts.

What a mess!

I try to stop thinkin about you, but in tryin to not think, I end up thinking about you!

Haha, what a stupid problem to have.

You see, I realize we’re friends, close friends, but I can’t stop caring about you.

I realize it’s been 7 years since we met, and I realize that means friend zone forever, but I can’t help it.

Those little looks you give me, I know you pose like that to catch my attention- what’s that aboout? And really? You so comfortable u gonna invite me into bed, to your shower- like, what the hell?

And fitness! U want me to get you in shape huh. Well shitt- you know while I’m bein your fitness coach, I’m sneakin those looks… Oh wait, you straight up posing and struttin your stuff right in front of me…what I’m supposed to do girl? Damn. You got everyone in here staring, but you staring right at me.

What I’m supposed to do?

7 years we been friends, I got a girl, you got a guy, and yet everyone around thinks it looks like you got me and I got you. I know you feel that Connection- you’re like wifi to my phone!

Alas, friends we are, and to be the best friend I can be, I try to act like I dont like what I see. When you strippin down your clothes, and starin at me, I just smile and turn. I know you just that comfortable.

And when you starin in my eyes, sharing my sandwich, sipping my drink, and laughing at my jokes, I know you just that comfortable.

And when you telling me everything, and asking my advice, and callin me with news, I know you just that comfortable.

And when you asking to hang for a weekend, or offering your place to me if I need it, after a tuff night with my girl, I know you just that comfortable.

Or am I missing something?

Man, what a mess you got me.

I’ll see you tomorrow- well start workin on your yoga, move to the gym to work on that muslce tone, finish with some cardio to keep you healthy. God I keep you lookin good.

What a mess you make of my mind

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Some Nights (musing in progress)

Older musing

Some nights, 
When I see things,
Stars and glimmers, 
Darkness, and curiosity. 

When space, as infinite as it is
When it ends- it ends,
Because I think of you. 

You’re my all, my everything. 
My galaxy, my eternity. 
I wish I could be with you- 
It’s like, you’re my destiny…
But, I’m denied all of you- I’m denied all of you. 

Some day- when all is not as it is today, 
I’ll be there for you. I love you girl. 
And no one knows it, not even you. 
All i can hope, is someday these words will find you. 
As truth always finds the light.
Until then- in secrecy, I love you. 
And though you will not know-
I shall be there; in the shadows, watching over you. You will never be alone

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